The Great Unknown
If there’s one thing you should know about me, it’s that I am a planner. I love scheduling my days down to the minute, always making sure I have enough time for everything: a workout, school work, a nap, a photo shoot, you name it. Knowing that my day is planned and that I can fit everything into it helps keep my anxiety at bay.
This habit has served me well in a multitude of ways: I get work done without stress, I don’t procrastinate, and I make sure I have me time factored into my daily routine. But, in other ways, this habit causes problems. For one, it means that I am bad at handling what I like to call “the Great Unknown.”
Now, I’m not bad at flexibility- one thing about being a scheduler is that over the years I have learned how to work wiggle room into my schedule so anything can be moved around or readjusted. What I am bad at, however, is when I don’t know what to schedule, whether that’s because of another’s lack of commitment, or, more specifically, what my life post college will be like.
Like most seniors, I don’t have a job lined up yet. And this is causing me some stress. If I could, I would know exactly where I am working after school, exactly how much money I will be making, and where I will be living. Then I could start preparing myself mentally and physically for probably the biggest life transition I will ever experience. But because of the industries I am interested in entering, this isn’t possible. Jobs open when they open, and mostly they are needing to be filled immediately. So, I can’t really begin applying to any jobs until late March and April… as in, only one to two months before graduation. *Cue freak out*
A few weeks ago, my class celebrated our 100 Days, meaning 100 days until graduation. I was so happy to be surrounded by my friends and classmates, dancing the night away in our school’s coffee shop. For the time being, I wasn’t thinking about what exactly 100 Days meant. Instead, I was excited to be at my college and to know so many amazing women. While I’m ready to leave college and see what life has in store for me next, in this moment, I was nothing more than blissfully content.
Going forward, I want to try and focus more on this grateful and inspired mindset. I’m not saying that I won’t have moments of stress or anxiety about the unknown, but I want to really try and make sure I appreciate my final months of college. I will never, ever be in a place like this again. When I leave, I want to make sure that my last semester was filled with memories I am proud of. Yes, the fact that I don’t know anything about where I will be in four months is absolutely terrifying. And I’m not going to lie and say “as long as I have my girls by my side, I’ll be okay!” because while I know having my close friends along with me is a huge factor, I know that a career is also important. I want both!
What I can say, however, is that my anxiety around not having something has the potential to pull me away from this semester. And that is the absolute last thing I want. So for the time being, I will schedule my life, network my but[ze] off, and do whatever I can to keep the job search alive. But I will also take time to go on a hike with my friends, go out to brunch, and maybe even just stay in and watch a movie. Because when I do get a job (which I will, even if it takes time), these are the memories I will remember, not the days in which I sat in my dorm alone stressing over what companies I should apply to.
Balance is a huge necessity in my life, and while mostly that relates to eating and exercise habits, I am excited to try and put my skills to the test in this new arena. Ultimately, it all comes down to my mindset and doing what is best for my mental wellbeing.
How do you deal with the “Great Unknowns” in your life? What have they been?